Dating Pitfalls #3 – Appearing to be Something You Aren’t

June 27, 2009 by  
Filed under Dating Tips

There is a natural tendency for people entering a new relationship to try and make themselves appear to be something more than they believe themselves to be. The thought process behind this is fairly rational, up to a point. The attitude that many people have goes something like the following: “He/she cannot possibly be interested in me for who I am. I’m too boring – I need to appear more interesting.”. Although this is a perfectly common rationale, it misses one key point – he or she clearly is interested. Any pretense is unnecessary. If you want to be more interesting, it needs to be a decision made for you. Only then can you fully commit to it and do it properly.

The problem with artifice and pretense is that they require a lot of work in order to be convincing. Honesty really is the best policy and not only because it is morally the right thing, but also because honesty is the natural thing. Telling the truth relies only on remembering what you have done. Lying relies on remembering what you have said, without the concrete memories to back it up. Sooner or later, you forget what lies you have told and you trip yourself up.

Being honest is rewarded with trust. If you tell a lie and are caught out, you lose a bit of trust, and once that goes it almost never returns. If you are later suspected of having done something of which you are truly innocent, your previous lie will work against your partner believing you. So even if it is only because of how it may come back to haunt you, be honest and be yourself.